Mmm...Classy Favorite: Californication

Californication, which I enthusiastically include in what many are calling The Golden Age of Television, is now gone from the Showtime lineup, but certainly not forgotten.

A writer, played beautifully by David Duchovny, is trapped in a cycle of self-destruction with alcohol and drugs. He can’t escape repeatedly disappointing his daughter and her mother, the great love of his life.

This surprisingly complex character certainly has an x-factor (ba dum tsh) that seemingly makes him irresistable to women. Though the show has plenty of sex, it does carry a story throughout its seven season which, at times, is heartbreaking as we watch the hero on his journey.

Classy TV, it really was. Now, take a look at this scene where the oh-so-lovely Eva Amurri Martino dances tastefully on stage in front of him.

YouPorn - Private Teacher

Sometimes A Little Private Instruction Is All You Need To Make The Grade

Yeah, that was the tagline from this classic porn film from 1983. Imagine that you are a shy teenager living with your aunt and you have all of these new feelings and tinglings that you don’t entirely understand. Your aunt hires you a tutor to try and help you to enter the adult world more confidently. That tutor, who happens to be played by the legendary Kay Parker, enlightens you to the wonders of physical passion.

H-h-h-hot. And Classy.

Babes.com - The Office Fantasy

If you frequent porn video sites like I do, you know perfectly well that the office fantasy is one of the most common ones (yup, better than that incest one). It makes sense. According to a recent article on Bustle, work still ranks as the fourth most common place that people meet their spouses. Factor in how many people have affairs at work and how many people have dated (but not married) at work, you can see that the number has to be significant.

Then, add in how many people have fantasized about someone at work. Right - the number just went way, way higher, didn’t it? You know what I’m talking about: the person who talks about how he/she did a “just because I love you” gesture for their spouse, the person who so clearly loves their kids, the person who is so kind and always has the positive attitude, the person who makes you laugh daily. So sexy, right?

Fortunately, there are plenty of sites that play on that fanstasy. Most are silly, some are just gross. I’ve liked most of what I’ve seen from Office Obsession which is a Babes.com site. They’re not perfect for my tastes, but they can be pretty good.

Edit: Embedded video stopped working so here’s a screenshot of some of their offerings.

SexArt - Nope. Not Going to Work Yet.

The stuff from SexArt.com is seriously classy. And so freaking hot.

I don’t know if everyone will agree with this, but the fact that they tell most of their stories visually is one of their best qualities.

In this trailer, I imagine that two women who have been involved for only a couple of weeks are getting ready for the corporate jobs. One has a real thing for makeup so watching her new girlfriend getting ready is a trigger where she cannot resist putting her hands on her. They both think, “the corporate world can survive without me for one day.”

Beautiful lovemakeing commences.

Pornhub - The Great and Wonderful LadyFyre

As I have mentioned over and over again, there is a lot about modern porn that I really cannot like regardless of how hard I try. There is one thing, however, that I absolutely love and that is the fact that anyone can be a porn star now with a good phone camera or minimal equipment (good lighting always helps).

Take the case of LadyFyre who now runs an adult film empire from Seattle, Washington. On Pornhub alone, she has more than 230 million views of her videos and 180,000 subscribers.

I am one of those subscribers because she fits perfectly into what my view of a classy adult film star is. Most of her films are POV and, let me tell you, that voice of hers will melt your heart and do wonderful things to your nether regions. That milky white Pacific Northwest skin gives her a goddess-like quality.

With LadyFyre, I’m also willing to break some of my rules. I generally do not like incest themes, but I’m willing to make an exception for her videos since it is done tastefully.

I could go on and on, but just watch already.

The Quest for a Classy Porn Parody

I’ve seen a lot of porn parodies. I should say, I’ve skipped through a lot of porn parodies. The normal formula is to get people to dress just like the characters from the source material, give them a few lines of dialogues per scene, and then have extended sex scenes where sometimes the makeup starts to come off.

Yet, I can’t help but watch them because I’m a normal person who has to see what Homer and Marge having sex looks like. How can you not want to watch something called, “Tits a Wonderful Life?” Or “Inspect Her Gadget?”

Of those that I’ve seen so far, the one below is probably the closest to what I would consider classy even though there are some of those elements in modern porn that I do not appreciate.

Take a look and decide for yourself.

See Queen of Thrones on Brazzers

See Queen of Thrones on Brazzers

Imgur - What Lies Beneath a Classy Woman's Dress?

Mirror, mirror on the wall: Who has the palest nipples of them all?

She does.

Wait for IT!